Ask Your Kids About the Internet

Braun Consulting says that by 2015, the numbers of workers 55 years of age and older will be 20% of the labor force. That means 80% will be between the ages of 18 and 55.

In 1976, when these people were 18, there wasn’t any “internet.” Arpanet didn’t even come around until 1982 — the youngest of this group was already out of college. By 1991, when CERN released the World Wide Web — that’s WWW, for you old fogies — this group was in their early thirties. The internet hadn’t even gone mainstream yet. Most of them didn’t get email until 1996, when they were already over 35. They communicate with phone calls, hallway conversations and fax machines. Oh, and happy hour.

In the meantime, the Echo Boomers were born, the largest generation since the Baby Boomers from the post-war era. These Gen Yers don’t know a time without the internet, without cell phones or with privacy. They use instant messaging wherever they’re at on whichever platform they like. They send chapters of books out on their phones with no vowels. They know you got their digital message. They know it was sent just fine. They figure you’ll get to it when you have time. They’re not going to poke you. They won’t remind you — it’s right there, in your inbox. They expect a response. They have other things to do. Like, work. In 2015, 80% of the population will expect you to respond to your email. Just do it. They don’t have any privacy, remember? They need to cover their asses. You’re not pushing this off on them because you think it takes too long or it’s confusing. Learn faster, make an effort. In fact, they don’t even want to use email. It’s too slow. People get too much of it. That’s probably why you’re so far behind, anyway. How many messages are in your inbox? Do you even know where your inbox is?

You can’t fight it. You shouldn’t try. Digital communications are efficient, effective, time-savers that reduce frustration, fatigue burn-out. They allow their users to use their days to their best productivity. This generation completes the tasks for which all the information has been gathered. You want your projects done, then you answer their emails. First come, first served. You’re on notice.

Eventually you’ll be ignored. 80% of the population will learn to ignore you because you can’t respond in a timely or effective fashion. 80% of the population will forget that they requested something from you, because they use their digital communications as a task list. If your email is older than two weeks, don’t even bother answering it, it’s too late. If it’s older than a week, your project is delayed because of it. Longer than 2 days, and your workers already started on something else. You move to the back of the line.

You’ll be pushed out. 80% of the population works as digital team players, communicating information quickly and accurately and without mistakes. Your boss will be a 22-year-old kid because the kid can finish three PowerPoints, six Visios, four vendor price quotes, and seven office orders all in the same day. Because he has copy-paste fu. He just ctrl-v’d and ctrl-p’d the info from another email.

I used to be an advocate of “everyone to his method:” some people prefer phones, some hallway conversations, and yes, some daft and blind old farts and most government offices still use fax machines. I’m not anymore. I’ve seen the benefits. I’ve watched middle-aged men go down fighting an invisible foe of a text message or call log. I’ve been called in to help them retract emails, pix, inappropriate phone calls and sexual harassment jokes, and it’s impossible. I’ve witnessed the descriptivism abound throughout the language, to accomodate for this invisible force. And I love it.

Accountability, FTW.